Really - what?

Yeah, I just came back here and noticed that it's been a while since I posted... again. I think I've just been too depressed to write. After being soooo excited that I'd been offered a job, then... well, let me start at the beginning.

I went to an interview for an RN position in the OR at NMRH. I felt pretty good when I left. They called me back about two weeks later and asked me to come in to observe in the OR for the day. I followed a nurse around and watched what she did. We had a carotid endarectomy, a fem-pop graft, a bowel resection... so cool! I got to see so much! When I was leaving, the director of surgical services said to me "give me a call in a week or two and let me know if you're still interested in the position." I told her I didn't have to wait, I knew now. "I'm still interested." She said "well, then consider it yours!"
Ten days go by and I called HR and told the gal there what the director had said and that I hadn't received a formal offer in the mail. She said "I'm going to meet with her tomorrow. I can't say anything officially, but if that's what she said, then I'd say you have it."
Two more weeks go by, I get a phone call from HR saying that they "want to re-interview some people and we'll let you know when that's done." I immediately called her and said "I'm leaving in 2 days for Hawaii for 2 weeks. Did you need ME to reinterview?" She assured me that no, they were happy with me, they wanted to interview someone else who wasn't available until 12/23. (The job started 1/19/09). I told her I'd be available by cell and email while away.
I called HR back the day after Christmas (from Hawaii) and found that she was out that day and all the following week. I didn't want to call the day she got back from vacation, so I waited until that Wednesday. I called and left a message and asked about the job (which was supposed to start in now 12 days) and she called back and left a message that there were "last minute internal applicants that they had to offer the job to" - SEVEN WEEKS after telling me I "unofficially" had the job!

I was so hurt and depressed, angry, and betrayed. I planned on that job. I told people I had that job. I TURNED DOWN ANOTHER JOB because I was told it was MINE... now, nothing. How do I go about telling people I don't have a job. Is there a graceful way so that it doesn't look like I'm just trying to save face? So, instead, I'm not looking for a job at all right now. I'm ignoring the job search until my ego heals from the bruising and pounding it took. So, now I'm just concentrating on studying for my NCLEX and not getting a job elsewhere. I really wanted to work at that hospital. But, I didn't want to drive 100 miles each way to work. I'm sure something else will turn up... but still... such a blow to my ego and how unprofessional do THEY look now? I know it's not MY fault, but still, there's a part of my that wonders "what did I do wrong? What didn't I do right?"

A JOB!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so I've been slogging through the last 51 months of school with a clear goal in mind: get a job! All those late nights. All those stupid care plans. All those papers.... 9 chapter tests..... pop quizzes.... CPR classes.... 5:00 a.m. mornings and 4:00 a.m. bedtimes.... today, it finally paid off! MWHAAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!

I was offered a job! Starting January 19 at NMRH in the OR. WHOPPEE!! More money than I've ever made in my life. Enough to pay off my student loans. Enough to pay for Thing 1's tuition in CASH next year. Thing 2 got a full ride (Thing 1 did too, but turned it down for a Big 10 school) so we paid his $750 for books and tuition each year so far... Enough money that my kids may be turned down for some financial aid next year, but it'll all be worth it.

I'm fully aware of the people out there who have lost jobs, fortunes, or nest eggs recently. I don't mean to rub it in anyone's face. I'm just glad that at 43 years old, I finally will have a job I LOVE and be paid accordingly. I have a nephew that lost his job on Halloween. I know that at 28, it's not a good thing to be looking for a job when you'd rather be looking for an engagement ring... or a house... or just food on the table. I have struggled before - working 3 jobs as a single mom with 2 kids and making less than $25k for the 3 jobs put together... The end is near. I just can't get too comfortable... Please, God, make me worthy...